I wish I could punch you in the face.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
