I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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