Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
