True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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