I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
