enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
