So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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