I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize