Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
