Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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