I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
