I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
