maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
