Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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