Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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