So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
