i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
