Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
