When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
