omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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