he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
