I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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