I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
