her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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