Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
