You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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