Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
