I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
