you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
