Plan B is the new Plan A
Soap is not a condiment
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
