Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
