Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
FUCK WHALES
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
