Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
