one might say we're banned from that church
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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