your thong is hanging out like whoa
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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