So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
