Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
