If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize