God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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