Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
