you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
