And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
