That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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