I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize