Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize