So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
