"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
