You just made me feel so damn special
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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