i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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