on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
