eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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