Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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