Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
