im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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