Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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