god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
