he thought i was a dude.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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