This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
