For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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