Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
