All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I touched a dick in church today
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