I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
