My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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