I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
