Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
