I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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